HORNY IN PAKISTAN

It's 12:30 on a Saturday night, and I'm contemplating whether I should watch the cable, one of the loads of movies I've got in my collection, or just an old-fashioned simple X-rated movie.
Watching that stuff, however, is going to urge me to jerk off, which I've been trying to get rid off for some time now. Not that I'm addicted to it or anything, but sometimes, a guy gotta do what a guy gotta do.
I've met with partial success. Why would I want to stop this healthy practice of fondling myself, most of you would argue. Well, for one, it is against Islamic Injunctions. (Yeah sure,as if he's a saint) I may not be the most religious person on the planet, but I do try to incorporate Islamic principles in my life. Whether I'm successful or not in my endeavours is for God to judge.
So coming back to sex and movies, most of you would be thinking, 'Get a life, man!' You're old enough to get laid.' And my answer would be; premarital sex is forbidden in Islam. To which you'll reply( aren't we getting carried away in this?), 'you're hiding behind that because you don't have the balls or the opportunity to get laid.¡' Which brings me to a very interesting topic, an eye-opener for Pakistanis if they aren't aware of it as yet.The opportunities to get laid in Pakistan, especially Karachi, are endless. In fact the reverse is true: You have got to have balls not to get laid in Karachi! Literally every other locality is strewn with whore houses. And if that were not enough, one out of 10 girls you encounter would be ready to do it with you.
Yep.The ¡¥generation next¡¦ is blissfully engrossed in screwing around. It's not as widespread, but it's catching up with drug abuse, probably the most 'in' thing for the young and adult alike. It's getting tougher by the day to find a virgin bride, or even a virgin groom for that matter. So what's the most feasible solution to this dilemma? Sleep around! That way, if your spouse is not a virgin, you'll at least have the satisfaction of not being one yourself! (what a wacko dumbass!)Sick, isn't it? But this is the line of thinking you develop living in a sanctimonious society.
The other day a friend of mine called me up and said he needed advice on some serious stuff. Judging by the gravity of his voice, I went to see him pronto. When he explained the problem to me, I felt like killing him. And you would probably burst out laughing at this. A friend of his went to a brothel with another friend of his( is there a network of friends ?) where he struck a deal for just Rs.500 ( didn't I tell u it's damn easy? not to mention economical). Now the deal included one-time penetration of this lovely dame of not more than 25. This guy was taken aback by her beauty as well as her manners and all. Before they did it, they had a normal conversation just like two educated and mature people would have.
And this was the problem of this guy. He couldn't come to grips with the fact that a pretty and educated girl was working as a CSW(Commercial Sex Worker), that in the whole wide world this was all she could find to do, and that also in the 'Islamic Republic' of Pakistan.Now what the heck could I tell this guy? Here we are, faced with the dilemma whether to do it or not, and this guy gets to have a ravishing beauty and still complains. Guilty conscience pricks the mind. But does that constitute a major problem? One with which you bother other people? I mean, it's your own damn business, why would you want to let it out? I wouldn't.
I let my friend have a piece of my mind.
Now this incident took place in Nazimabad. But I can give instances of such stuff in any locality of Karachi you want.
One of the things we worry occasionally is what will happen when we go abroad and become pals with one of the locals. Surely, one way or the other the topic of sexual experience is going to crop up and even more surely, make us the laughing stock among them. After much procrastination, we have conjured up the shape these conversations could take if they do happen.
We could be having any normal conversation with our new friend until he delves into the dreaded interview:
"So, you got any chick back home?", he pops the question casually.
"Nope", comes the meek reply from me.
"Aw that sucks man. So, did you break up or was it her doing?" he prods further.
"Umm, actually I never had a girlfriend", embarrassment showing on my face.
"What?", he asks incredulously, "You mean never ever?""Uh huh""Man, this must suck big time" he goes on, refusing to let it go, "so how do you keep the monkey quiet? Isn't it dangerous to go for a hooker every time, what with all this AIDS bullshit going around?"
"Well, actually I've never gone all the way"
"No shit!"
"I shit you not", is all I can offer. But the prickly bastard doesn't let go even now.
"So you haven't gone all the way. That's cruel. But why? I mean, once you get into deep cuddling, the chicks' defences are all down. Why haven't you gone for the kill as yet?' I've been cornered badly; there's only one way out of this.
"Okay, it's like this. I've never been with a girl my entire life. Happy now?"
"Holy shit! Don't bullshit me man about this virgin crap. Not even smooching?"
"Nope."
"Friendly kiss?"
"No".This is getting humiliating.
"At least tell me you have seen a live naked chick"¨ he almost pleads.
"No no no."
"Loser!"And thankfully the ordeal will be over. Or worse:"Hey fellas, look what I've got here. A live male virgin!"
So yeah, being Islamic in the real sense isn't easy. You have got to have guts to take it all in your stride. Now you know the expanse of the gulf between Islam and other cultures. I compare Islam with cultures and not religions because all religions forbid adultery and the likes. Its just that people have manipulated their own religions to cater to their whims, and culture is just a term coined for manipulation. There is a world of difference between what religion teaches and what people practise, be it Christianity, Judaism or even Islam.