Monday, December 17, 2007

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Cleaning the genital area of the pubic hair is a real mind-boggling job, something which I myself haven’t figured it out as yet. Do you use scissors, hair-removal cream or just the good old razor? Is it a matter of personal preference or is one of them better than the others? Can’t say. But this next story highlights how much bad things can go when you use one of these options.

A friend of a friend (yeah, it’s a long chain so you must be thinking it’s an urban legend) once decided to shave his pubic hair. Whether he was using this option for the first time or not is not known, but what happened we pray happens to none of us. The blade cut through a nerve or something (remember that area is rich in nerve fibers) and in no time he was bleeding so profusely that he had to be taken to the hospital. It was bad enough that he had cut himself so bad that he needed to go to the emergency ward, on top of it, the wound was in such a place that the humiliation alone would have killed him if not the bleeding.

I don’t know the details, but think about it. First he would have told his family where he was bleeding, then the whole family would have gotten involved in trying to control the bleeding by tinkering down there, while all this time he stood naked. Then at the hospital, there would have been quite a few nasty remarks passed at his expense which the family at least would have avoided making. Yep it’s a cruel world. And all this poor guy was doing was take care of his personal hygiene.

So once again, what’s the most efficient as well as safest way to clean your pubic region? Anyone?

Feast on More Masala!

Monday, December 10, 2007

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He wasn’t the nasty boy of the school, and she wasn’t prom queen material. But this guy really had the hots for this lady. Whether he really had the hots himself or was just borrowing it from the rest of the pack, I’ll never know. Thing was, she had just arrived at school to teach the junior classes, and we were the senior-most class about to pass out. And he was a law-abiding ‘studizen’ of the school, always coming with the big grades, and staying away from the wild bunch.

In this backdrop, it’s hard to imagine how this guy could have aroused himself so much by the sight of this teacher to go and jerk off in the school lavatory.

Yes, jerk off, that’s what he did. And not only that, he then had the nerve to proclaim boldly afterwards, ‘Mein ne Rahat ke naam ki lagayi hai!’ That was news to us. That’s how horny and pervert school-boys are when they reach puberty. And it never changes after that, irrespective of whether they get married or not. Or how old they get. Think Sheikh Rasheed, Zia Mohiyuddin and Ghulam Mustafa Khar, the ‘tharkiest’ buddas around. A couple of years ago, at age 67, Khar married a sixteen-year old girl, much to the chagrin of his daughter, the sultry (maybe even slutty) Amina Haq.

I’ve got a friend who resumed watching hard-core porno flicks only a couple of months after getting married. Well, it could mean a number of things, but I never had the nerve to ask him outright why was he doing it after marriage, and what was the use of marriage if he had to fall back on his earlier nasty practices.

Coming back to the school story. The teacher wasn’t a knockout, and I suspect this parhakoo larka didn’t really fancy her initially, until the people around him started doing it. Actually it was this one guy who built a huge crush for this dame, and because he was kind of popular, the crush became collectively a hype. And he just got caught up in the snowball effect, so much so that he had to ‘relieve’ himself in a toilet which we avoided even for the normal operations owing to its ‘impeccable’ hygienic standard.

Feast on More Masala!

Saturday, June 30, 2007

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Shoaib Akhter Says Pakistani Cricket On The Verge Of Extinction

Shoaib Akhter, the ‘Rawalpindi Express’ has said that the future of Pakistan cricket is looking bleaker by the day.
Shoaib Akhter said that with him, Wasim Akram and Waqar Younus out, there was no one to take the Pakistani cricket to soaring heights.
Shoaib Akhter said this in an interview on the Voice of America Radio (VOA).

Shoaib Akhter said that PCB needed to come up with a proper cricket academy that could hone talent for the next 3 years at least. Shoaib Akhter said that for now, the cricket here in Pakistan is all but doomed just like hockey and squash, which people kept saying would prosper forever because Pakistan is oozing with talent in those games. But we are at the rock bottom in those games now, Shoaib Akhter said, and that it looks like cricket is destined to follow suit.

There may be a grain of truth in what Shoaib Akhter said because looking at the conditions of the streets of Karachi on any given street, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that the youngsters have lost interest in the game.

There was a time when each nook and corner of every city in Pakistan was a playing ground for people passionate about cricket, irrespective of their age. Now, even the big grounds remain deserted. Maybe its because the youngsters have found more constructive use of their time. But playing video games in a gaming arena or watching porn or even flirting around with someone can hardly be considered worthy successors of a game that has given Pakistan probably the only respect and recognition it got from the entire world.

PCB, however, is not amused at Shoaib Akhter’s outburst and is considering taking disciplinary action against Shoaib Akhter as well as Shoaib Malik who has questioned the reformatting of the players’ contact.

Feast on More Masala!

Monday, June 25, 2007

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Nadeem Farooq Paracha Lambasts Salman Ahmed For Siding With Imran Khan

Nadeem Farooq Paracha, the self-proclaimed critic of anything and everything Pakistani, is at it again. And he’s at it again because according to him, the Junooni Salman Ahmed is at it again too.

What’s it? For Salman Ahmed it’s his penchant for jumping on the bandwagon that’s going to earn him one more 15 minutes of fame in spite of the fact that the guy has had so much fame and publicity owing to Junoon’s global stardom as well as his own work with the UN. But still his affinity to be in the spotlight remains as much as Mr. Paracha’s ‘obligation’ to bring Salman to justice.

The latest publicity stunt by Salman Ahmed that brought the ire of NFP on him is his grievance against the already shattered MQM that once they forced him to play at the birthday of Altaf Hussein and when he refused they threatened to kill him. NFP blasts Salman to pieces for following in the footsteps of Imran Khan every single time and not having the courage to take the initiative.

NFP doesn’t spare even Imran Khan who he momentarily praises for his bold initiatives. then it’s business as usual for NFP. He asks on what grounds is Imran Khan blasting the other side when he himself has a few skeletons in his closet.

The question is; does committing sins strips you of the right to pinpoint the wrongs of other especially if those sins were committed way back in the past? If that’s the case, then journalism should cease to exist, and NFP should be the first one to pack up his bags, for we are all sinners. Even if you look objectively at it, NFP’s objection that Imran Khan is exposing the corrupt and murderous practices of MQM while he himself has committed many religiously immoral acts in the past is at best bizarre. What’s your sexual adventures got to do with saying the truth?

NFP himself has never been much fond of religion; he’s always after the religious clerics whom he refers to as the ‘mullahs’ with as much disdain as he can muster. Going through his plethora of articles, he doesn’t seem to have much understanding or interest in Islam. And hasn’t he indulged in premarital or extra-marital (now that he’s married) affairs at all in his life? And yet he’s in the forefront blasting everything under the sun to smithereens.

So if he doesn’t believe in the strict injunctions of Islam which includes no sex out of wedlock, then his criticism of Imran Khan ceases to be valid. Needless to say, it’s not the first time NFP has gone on a lambasting spree and it won’t be the last. But what it does is hurt his credibility. He has yet to say something really positive about something other than pop music.

So when he says all those things about Salman Ahmed, he may be right to the hilt, but he’s at it so many times, that people are gradually beginning to give no shit to what he has to say.

Feast on More Masala!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

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Altaf Hussein Says Creation Of Pakistan Biggest Blunder In The History Of Mankind

Altaf Hussein, the leader of MQM said that the creation of Pakistan was the biggest blunder in the history of mankind. He said that in India almost two years ago during a seminar organized by the Hindustan Times.

Although the statement went unnoticed at that time, it has been highlighted time and again these days especially by leader of Tehreek-e-Insaf Imran Khan after the May 12 carnage in Karachi. The latest platform which Imran used to highlight it was Geo’s Capital Talk by Hamid Mir. When asked why didn’t he raise the issue at that time, he said that he feared for his life because MQM was notorious for assassinating people criticizing it and that he only launched the offensive after the May 12 carnage because MQM is under fire and not in a position to eliminate him lest it be eliminated itself in the process.

Imran Khan alleges that there are 234 cases against Altaf Hussein including torture, extortion and even murder. He also claimed that almost all the MQM members in the government today have innumerable cases pending against them which includes the home secretary Waseem Akhtar against whom there are 62 cases and the governor of Sindh itself Ishratul Ibad who’s the prime suspect in the Hakim Muhammad Said murder case. Mr. Ibad was an absconder until MQM came to power a few years ago.

Imran Khan said that he has given proof to Scotland Yard against Altaf Hussein which is probably going to be published.

British MP George Halloway has got behind Imran Khan in blasting Altaf Hussein. A few days George Halloway delivered the worst possible condemnation of Altaf Hussein ever in the House of Commons. He criticized his own government for granting citizenship to Altaf Hussein. He asked why UK was harboring such a terrorist who directed carnage in Pakistan while sitting in Britain, and that if he had a beard and not been on the side of Musharraf, he would have been at best deported from UK years ago. He said it was ironic that while the War on Terror was going on, UK was siding with a terrorist.

GEO’s Hamid Mir himself alleged in an article he wrote for the Jang newspaper that before Musharraf came to power, when he was just a man in uniform, he said during the presence of Hamid Mir and another politician that he had concrete proof that Altaf Hussein was the killer of Hakim Muhammad Said. And now in order to save his seat, he has allowed that killer to share power with him.

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